I saw you were unhappy- and I felt that intruding- no matter how I felt- would only make it worse. I wanted so badly then to take you and make you stay with ME- and love me. But I knew that I had come in too late. And the only thing to do- was exit. I just prayed you were happy. And I never stopped loving you. I wanted you to know that I am always here for you- and I love you.” “Joel- This- none of it- can work. Forget me. I’m poison.” “No” “Yes- I am- just let go of me- forget me- I’m not worth this.” “Kay- “ “I’m married Joel. I had no business being there tonight- I have no business here. “ “Does he love you Kay?” “No” the anguished whisper seemed jerked out of her ”he doesn’t” As Kay’s sobs echoed through the chill night air- Joel felt closer than ever before. His arms closed about her naturally. “Kay- I do- I always have. If it’s being married- I can wait until you decide what you need to do. “It’s over- I just can’t walk away.” Joel held her- feeling helpless- “Kay- if you. I masturbated three times thinking of her that day.A week later I was watching porn and masturbating. It was a blowjob video. Someone knocked my door so I had to stop my jerking and attend the door. Viji aunty was standing there with a red sari. She asked whether mom is home. I said she has gone to temple. She said she wanted some chilli powder. I told her to go to the kitchen and take whatever she wants. She asked whether I had any novels. I had many so I told yes and then we entered my room to for her see my collection. I had completely forgotten about the porn on the screen. She saw that and shouted at, “Ravi, what is this?” I quickly turned my monitor off and said sorry and asked her not to tell my mom. She then asked why I watch porn. I told her nothing. Then she forced these words out of my mouth, “it’s my only hope since I am a virgin”.She said me to leave this habit and I said would try. We went to the hall and she asked, “Were you staring at me the other day with the same.
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